You're So Vain

You probably think this blog is about you...

This was the last song I heard at the gym this morning.  I thought it was fitting considering the new woman I saw at the gym this morning.  She was definitely 'roided out.  Her back and lats were massive and her biceps were at least 12-14 inches.  Her face was broken out as was her back (she was wearing a tank top).  I'm all about personal freedom, if you want to do steroids then do them, if you want to shoot heroin then go right ahead, if you want to eat McDonald's then be my guest.  But don't start bitching when the shit hits the fan and you're stricken with some dread disease.  Anyway, I don't want to elaborate on my post from last night but I just wanted to mention this woman.  This is the first time I have seen her and since I've been going in the morning it is usually all the same guys that are there.  So when I see a woman I'm always intrigued because I am a lone female in a pack of males in the free weights section.  She was beast for sure and if she really is doing steroids or was at some point, that is no surprise.  I just don't understand why anybody would want to purposely take drugs to make themselves bigger.  I'm sure she had some sort of mental complex or self esteem issue that made her want to take steroids.  A woman, or man for that matter, who is psychologically healthy would most likely not have this kind of drive.  Steroids do awful things to your body. 

I would love to have a rock hard body and be "cut" and "ripped" but I'm OK with the fact that I probably never will.  I just want to be healthy and feel good and get rid of most of my extra flub. 

I like knowing that by 7:00 am I have accomplished more than most people have because they are still laying in bed.  I used to be that person and I'm not that far away from it. 

Everyday I have a lingering fear of returning to my old self.  But it isn't my body that would stop, it is my mind.  Because I have started on this odyssey many times only to fail after a few weeks, this is my biggest fear right now.  Now, when I start to get those feelings of "I'll just stay in bed today" or "I can eat out for lunch" I immediately quell them.  I don't let my brain say "oh, its just ONE day, geez, live a little."  This is what had caused me to fail in the past. 

I assume I will always have this mental battle even after I meet my goals.  My body will always be fighting against me to get fat again. 

For now I will take it one day at a time.  Each day I exercise and make healthy food choices is an accomplishment although it may seem trivial.  Knowing that I am doing better than most people are is good for me.  I have the power to say NO to bad choices.  There is a lot of power in saying no.

Say NO today!

And From the "No Shit" Report...

FUCKING DUH

Why is this news?  Seriously?  We haven't figured this out yet?  Ughhhhh...

The Mister and I were just talking about this.  Mr. Sexy Pants Brian Williams reported the death of some NFL guy, Pat Summerall.  He passed away at the ripe old age of 82.  Not bad actually considering his past.  He was an alcoholic, got sober and ended up needing a liver transplant.  Now, I am not 100% sure he needed a liver transplant because of his alcoholism but it is the most likely reason.  I made a comment about how it seems unfair that someone that has abused their one body they were given and now they get the gift of life?  I know it's harsh and if he was my father/grandfather, I would probably feel differently (maybe).  Am I in the minority here?  

Here's another good example of this...one of my best friends' mother has dealt with health problems her entire life.  She survived cervical cancer in her 20s, lymphoma in her 30s and kidney failure in her 40s.  Just to give some background, she has been a life long smoker, does not watch what she eats and drinks pop like it's water.  So, she has type II diabetes and as a result and it ruined her kidneys in just a few years because she did not manage her blood glucose levels.  One of her other daughter's friend's mother VOLUNTEERED to give her a kidney even though she didn't really know her.  The transplant went off without a hitch and she was given a second chance.  Now, she stopped smoking for about a month and was watching her diet for about 2 weeks.  She ended up having a stroke about a year ago and continues to smoke and eat shit.  I seriously don't understand this.  You're given a second chance of living a relatively long life and you fucking piss it away because you can't stop smoking and stop eating shit?  What the fuck are you thinking?  I'd love to be able to actually say this but of course that would make me a terrible person.  

I can't help but think about all the thousands of people on the transplant list that have hereditary diseases rather than "lifestyle" diseases that are in desperate need of organs.  Maybe I'm being a bitch (don't care) but I can't help but be pissed off when I hear stories like this.  I am busting my ass in the gym 6 days a week and planning my meals down to every fucking bite and cutting out junk food and pop and there are people that sit on their fat fucking asses, destroy their bodies and expect someone else to feel sorry for them?  NOPE!

I'm done ranting (for now).  My day went well.  Food was spot-on and I swam 1/2 mile and pushed myself a little harder than I did last time.  Thursday and Friday are going to be difficult to negotiate a workout.  Thursday I may not be able to swim after work because I may be there until about 6 or 7 so I plan on going around 5-5:30 and running on the treadmill (I promised a friend I'd do a 5K color run in June!) even though I'd rather grate my eyeballs on a cheese grater than run.  I'll get over it.  Friday, I have to be at work by 0600.  This presents another problem.  The gym opens at 5:00 and it takes about 15-20 minutes to get to work from the gym.  So, I may not be able to fit in a shower (gross, I know) but it's better than skipping a workout.  The old me would have been all "I'll just workout Saturday."  Then Saturday would come and I would end up on the couch all day.  

Tomorrow is a lift day.  My favorite!  I'm currently thinking about switching up my routine to more of a 3 or 4 day split but I'm not sure I want to do that just yet.  I like that my lifts take only about 40 minutes.  An intense 40 minutes, I should add.  We'll see how it goes.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Heavy Heart

I can't even try to understand why some people do the things they do.  I'm sure when the authorities find the person responsible for the bombs yesterday we are all going to be shocked because this person may be a "normal" person that nobody would have suspected.  It is getting to the point that nobody feels safe unless get are inside a bunker.  At least that's how I feel sometimes.  I hope the people that were personally affected by yesterday's events can find peace and go on with their lives.  It is so unfair to think that they will likely have long term health effects as a result of their injuries.  Also for the three victims that did not survive, I hope their families can find the strength to deal with their losses. 

And if you think your life sucks, check out this guy. 

So, my day has been relatively uneventful.  That's the way I like them.  Workout today will be a swim after work with the Mister.  I'm on my lunch break right now and as soon as I'm done with this I'll be heading out for a quick walk around the block.

I tried my new protein powder and it is head and shoulders over my old stuff and unfortunately so is the price.  It was about $38 for 2.2lbs.  It kept me full until lunch.  My usual green breakfast smoothie with the old whey powder lasted me until about 9:30 (I usually drink it around 7:30-8) but today I wasn't hungry until about an hour ago.  I think there is a fair amount of fiber in this new one so I'm sure that is the main reason.

Well, I'm anxious to get outside on a gorgeous day so I shall post more later.

Sitting in a Bean Bag Chair, Naked Eating Cheetos

No, that is not how I spent my Sunday.  I just want to clarify that up front. 

I went to Dick's last night in search of straps to help my poor hands during dead lifts and they didn't have anything.  I'm not surprised, they are terrible.  So, my palms will continue to look like they have been gnawed on by some wild animal until my grip strength improves and the calluses form.  My workout was the usual, same as Friday but I did DLs instead of squats.  I didn't make it to bed last night until after midnight so I didn't increase any weight today.  I will shoot for that on Wednesday. 

Breakfast was a green smoothie.  Strawberries, soy milk, my homemade Greek yogurt, protein powder and spinach.  I'm snacking on carrots and PB right now.  Work is pretty slow today, thankfully but it is the calm before the storm.  Thursday and Friday are going to be awful.  I can't fucking wait.

So here is where the title of this post comes into play...there is a woman at the gym that I have seen several times and in the locker room she is ALWAYS naked.  As soon as she comes in she strips down, checks her phone for ten minutes, takes a shower then gets dressed.  I have no problems with people being naked on the locker room.  More power to them I say because I am way too self conscious for that.  I realized today that I see her naked body more than I see my husband's.  Not because we don't have a lot of sex but because the entire time I spend getting cleaned up and ready for work, it seems like she is naked.  This doesn't gross me out.  What gets me is that she doesn't wear some type of flip flops or crocs or anything in the shower.  To me this is so gross.  I am so paranoid about my bare feet touching the gym floor that I go to great lengths to prevent it.  My husband brought home athlete's foot once and it was such a pain in the ass to get rid of.  I think that's why I'm so OCD about it. 

But, whatever.  It is what it is.  She can go on being naked and barefoot and I can go on continuing to get flashed every morning. 

There's Nothing Worse Than...

...Being sick on a glorious day.  I woke up this morning feeling like I got hit in the head with a 2x4, eyes watering, snotty nose, the works.  Fucking allergies.  Took a Zyrtec and I feel a little better but still have that cloudy/hazy feeling.  We are going to take a short walk and run some errands.   I need to buy some lifting straps because my grip always fails me on deadlift and I'd like to increase the weight.  The Mister has some man things to do at Home Depot and Tractor Supply.  We also need to hit up the grocery store.  Our fridge is bare and that is not good.  Tonight for dinner will be my version of Chipotle burrito bowls.  I'll post a pic later if I remember.

Last night out to dinner was a success.  I found a new restaurant that actually serves healthy food.  I had a giant salad with grilled chicken, quinoa, black & kidney beans, veggies, goat cheese, assorted nuts and a curry vinaigrette.  I went easy on the dressing and it was just perfect.  I did have one beer and two girl scout cookies (FAIL) but I did't go crazy, which was my main goal.  I have a tendency to eat shit when I'm at my parent's house because they usually have some around.  

I had oatmeal for breakfast again, the same as yesterday.  I added a little more water so it wasn't as gummy.  

I ordered some new protein powder and I'm excited to try it.  It's Sun Warrior brand plant-based protein.  I found out that most whey protein powders are processed with solvents.  In my first job out of college, one of my responsibilities was to wash lab glassware with chloroform before autoclaving because we were doing experiments with fatty acids and that was the only thing that would get rid of all the residues.  The chloroform would quickly eat through my gloves and I probably absorbed a more than safe amount through my skin as a result I have no desire to have solvent residue in my protein powder.  

Grocery list includes rice cakes, bananas, avocado, eggs, apples, spinach and some other veggies (whatever looks good) and cheese.  The Mister will be making a Costco trip this week so we'll get most of our stuff then.  

Hopefully I feel better before the gym tomorrow morning or my lift is going to suck ass.  

Weight was 180.0 exactly this morning.  Making progress, slowly but surely.  

Gummy Oatmeal = Goats?

I let myself sleep in this morning even though I was wide-eyed at about 6:00 am this morning.  I did some deep breathing and fell back asleep until about 8:30.  I slept about 10 1/2 hours and it felt fucking amazing.  

My usual weekend breakfast is either a couple scrambled eggs with fruit or veggie or an egg sandwich with a half slice of cheese on whole wheat.  Unfortunately, our 2 dozen eggs from Costco are gone so I decided to have oats for breakfast.  I started getting away from oats when I realized I needed a higher protein breakfast to avoid the 3:00 ravenous sugar cravings that hit me every single day.  So this morning I made a few changes:

1/2 c. Quaker Old fashioned Oats
1/2 c. vanilla soymilk
1/2 c. water
1 tbsp ground flax
2 tbsp hemp seed
1/3 banana (the Mister has a habit of eating portions of things and then leaving them sit out; this makes me crazy)
Generous sprinkling of cinnamon
1 hot cup of glorious peppermint tea (the greatest tea flavor ever)

As I suspected, the flax turned it into the consistency of wet cement but I ate it anyway because it tasted good.  It was a higher calorie amount (approximately 475) than I like to eat for breakfast but it should sustain me for a while as my morning will be pretty quiet.  

Tonight we'll be having dinner with my parents and even though it is Saturday and even though I will be swimming 1/2 mile this afternoon that does not give me an excuse to eat whatever the fuck I want.  (Thanks, Norma).  Been there, done that and failed.  

Be happy and be awesome today.  

Facebook Friend Trainwreck

It's only 8:30 and I'm tired.  Fuck, I'm old.  The sun is still up and I'm ready to go to bed.  Ugh.  

So, while I was watching the NBC news with Brian Williams tonight because he is kinda sexy so I can stay informed of current events, I was browsing my Facebook.  I have a "friend" on there whom I know from high school.  She was overweight in high school and is now even more overweight.  Well, technically obese I guess.  I'd say she is easily 250 and not much taller than me, maybe 5'5".  Her wife is also the same build.  I'm not exactly sure what she actually does on a daily basis.  She takes care of her niece and nephew all the time and I know she works occasionally, probably part-time.  About a month ago, she started posting about how she wanted to get in shape, be healthy, etc.  Well, I gave her some advice about cutting out pop because it was very hard for me and I could relate to her struggles.  A week or so goes by and she posts about how now she allows herself one diet pop a week.  Ok, fine, whatever.  I don't care that much.  Well today she posted about eating donuts for breakfast with her little niece.  So not only has she fell off the wagon already she is teaching this young innocent child awful habits.  

I'm debating on whether or not I should send her a private message and giving her some encouragement and letting her know I can help her with a meal plan, exercise, motivation, whatever.  I too have struggled and I think I could help but I don't want to waste my time and I don't want her to feel weird about it.  I didn't really know her that well but we were friendly and I was always nice to her even when people made fun of her for being overweight.  I think she deals with a lot of stress because she is a lesbian and it seems like her family may not be that supportive of her lifestyle.  I could care less.  I just know she can't be happy. 

Anyway, I'll think on it while I go to bed early tonight.  I'm sure I'll be awake by 5:00.  I'm thinking about doing some yoga in the morning while I wait for the Mister to get his ass out of bed.

Until tomorrow...